


You can hide a lot about yourself (but honey, what're you gonna do?)

by Cal14



Series: Where Do We Go From Here? [2]
Category: Mother of Learning - nobody103
Genre: Canonical Character Death(s), Gen, Grief/Mourning, Light Angst, Post-Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:53:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26245990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cal14/pseuds/Cal14
Summary: Zach and Zorian grieve, lost in the memories of those gone, but at least they grieve together.
Relationships: Zorian Kazinski & Zach Noveda
Series: Where Do We Go From Here? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1684363
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	You can hide a lot about yourself (but honey, what're you gonna do?)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Kill All Your Friends by My Chemical Romance

Zorian stands on the field, his hands and clothes stained with dirt, and does his best to keep his face still. Zach, beside him, has a completely neutral face, but Zorian can tell the other boy is just as affected by this as he is. 

In front of them, several rocks have been altered into tombstones, one for each of the temporary loopers that had perished during Zorian’s escape, and one more for the soul of the original Zorian.

They couldn’t include names, because it would surely end in disaster if someone happened to stumble upon several tombstones for people that were technically alive, but that didn’t mean they had to leave them completely blank, either. They’d engraved the initials of each person on the tombstones, and hoped it was enough. 

The temporary loopers had died inside the Sovereign Gate, and therefore their souls had been deleted and they wouldn’t ever get to go to the afterlife. Only Zorian’s original had gotten that privilege. This endeavor is, truly, purely Zach and Zorian’s whim- if they felt like they were honouring their deaths, perhaps they’d feel less guilty about them, too. 

The land they’d chosen for the tombstones is one owned by Zach, on the outskirts of Cyoria. It isn’t impossible for someone else to stumble upon them, but it is highly unlikely. 

There are trees planted behind each of their graves. Zach had once heard something about people in Hsan sometimes planting a tree after someone’s death, as a way for their soul to live on. In this case, most of these people didn’t _have_ souls anymore, but they thought it might still be fitting, for them. 

Zach bows his head, suddenly, and mutters, “thank you.”

Zorian stares at him for a moment, before bowing his head as well. 

He’s not sure why _Zach_ ’s thanking them, when Zorian’s the one that would’ve died without a doubt if it weren’t for them. Maybe he’s thinking about how, if they hadn’t found the last piece of the Key, he would’ve been trapped in the time loop as well, or maybe it’s because if Zorian hadn’t gotten out of the time loop then Zach’s contract might’ve not been fulfilled and he would’ve died anyway.

In any case, Zorian shares the sentiment. These people… they didn’t just give up their lives for him without hesitation, they gave up _their existence_. They didn’t exist anymore, not even as souls. Zorian isn’t sure what had happened to them, or how the time loop managed to destroy a soul completely, but he knows it's irreversible. If he’d been in their place, would he have been able to do the same? 

Probably not.

He takes a deep breath and tries to swallow the guilt rising in him. It’s no use now. There’s nothing he can do.

And then there’s his original. He’s not really sure how to feel about him. There’s no doubt in his mind that he murdered an innocent boy in cold blood to take over his life, and that he should feel terrible about it, but at the moment when he thinks of the soul he held in his hands, he only feels a coldness inside. The temporary loopers had chosen, mostly, to sacrifice themselves. His original hadn’t. 

A part of him wishes Daimen -or someone, _anyone_ , really- would hate him for what he did. But everyone around him is so… accepting of his actions, at least those that are aware of them. Probably because they would have done the same in his place, but still. Zorian murdered someone, a fifteen year old boy, no less, how can they not blame him for it? 

He sucks in a shaky breath, and tries to count to ten. Zach’s hand lands on his shoulder, but the other boy is still facing ahead and not looking at him, so Zorian allows himself to just close his eyes and breathe for a moment. 

Once he calms down he opens his eyes, the wind blowing against him and making him feel slightly cold. He almost doesn’t remember ever feeling this cold, before. 

Zach’s hand is still on top of his shoulder. They both pretend not to notice. 

Eventually, Zorian finds his voice. 

“Kael doesn’t like me,” he blurts out. Zach turns to look at him for the first time since they finished planting the saplings. “He doesn’t hate me, either, but… we used to joke around, you know? We were friends. And now he’s always looking at me like I freak him out. I didn’t leave a good first impression on him, I guess, and I’m only just realizing that it’s going to be permanent from here on.” 

“He’ll warm up to you,” Zach assures him. “It might just... take a bit longer, that’s all.” 

“Yeah,” Zorian answers, lamely. 

“They aren’t really dead,” Zach continues. “They are all still… here. Things could have been worse. Things could have been _a lot_ worse. But, hey, at least we still have each other, right?” 

“Yeah,” Zorian says.

“And we’re alive! I didn’t really think- I mean, I’d mostly lost hope that- you know. But we have time now. We’ll figure all this out. You’ll see.” 

“Yeah,” Zorian repeats again, and feels tired. So much more tired than he’s ever felt. 

So tired that he thinks the wind blowing around them might make him fall over, but thankfully Zach’s hand and words keep him grounded.


End file.
